


Jagged Edges

by WitchingWilds



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-01-19 04:58:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12403632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchingWilds/pseuds/WitchingWilds
Summary: Audrik Trevelyan has absolutely no idea how he went from next in line for guard captain, to prisoner in a foreign country, to agent of the Inquisition. With a green glow coming from a cut in his hand, he's suddenly supposed to save the world.





	1. Chapter 1

" **I...am sorry that we've not heard anymore about your father since the Conclave, Lord Trevelyan** ", Cassandra broke the silence as we sat around the campfire. It had been a long week since the events had occurred at the Temple of Sacred ashes and my father, the proper Lord Trevelyan, could not yet be confirmed alive or dead. I knew it met that he was likely deceased, but no one wanted to say it to me. Especially the Lady Seeker. Pitying me with those dark eyes. Blazing in the fire. I had to look away. 

" **Let's just do what we can in this place, so we can get the Templars on our side. The sooner I can get back to Ostwick, the better** ", I replied. Sitting my ram stew to the side, I stood and began to pace. She went back to picking at her own meal and the elf watched me. I envied the dwarf. Sitting there, fiddling with his crossbow. At least he could keep himself busy. I'd have done anything at that moment for one of my own swords and shields to polish. Instead I was stuck with a blood stained templar sword I'd looted off some lad trying to take my head off. " **Are you certain you want to explore the route with the Templars? I still believe we'd be better off with the mages** ".  


It was that elf again. Solas, they called him. As interesting as he was, he was starting to press my buttons. Or perhaps my buttons were just broken that day. Carrying what felt like the world could do that to a person. I groaned. Paused in my pacing and itched the scruff growing on my chin. " **Everyone in The Free Marches is perfectly aware of what mages are capable of** ", I shot back. More sharply than I intended. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the dwarf pause in his fiddling before sighing and continuing. They probably all thought I was an insensitive arse at that point. What with Solas being a mage and Varric actually being from Kirkwall. None of them were aware that my betrothed died in Kirkwall. A templar just trying to do her duty. It didn't excuse my callous behavior, but perhaps it would have given them an earlier insight into my decisions. They all adverted eye contact after that and I sighed loudly before walking a little ways off.

********

We had been making camps in the Hinterlands. Trying to build enough rapport to gain the trust of either the templars or mages so that we might be able to close the giant rip in the sky for good. I had tried myself, but as strong as the mark on my hand seemed, it wasn't strong enough alone to close the breach entirely. To be honest, the Templars just made more sense to me.

I wanted to suppress power. Not feed more into it. My own prejudice played only a small part in my final decision. Or so I told myself. I didn't quite understand _why_ it was my decision anyways. There were plenty more capable than me to make leader type decisions. In my eyes, the mark wasn't enough to elevate me to a higher pedestal than either the left or right hands of the previous divine. And yet, " **You were too harsh** ". Even In the beginning, Cassandra was calling me out on my bullshit.  


I had made my way to the lake area just a short distance away from camp. It was peaceful there and I could easily see the appeal the Grey Warden, Blackwall, had seen to it. One could almost forget there'd been wars tearing apart Thedas' lands and that a giant rip threatened the skies. We'd recruited him two days prior,but he'd already made his way back to Haven. Ready to talk to our ambassador about some treaties. " **I know. I apologize** ", I replied. Not turning away from the water to meet her eyes. 

Cassandra Pentaghast had caught my attention early on. She was strong and solid. Something I felt I had been lacking in my life for a while. I didn't want her to know that, however. She had a very no nonsense way about her and I didn't want her to think me unable to perform my duty without perverse and deviant thoughts.

" **Perhaps we ask too much of you and do not shoulder enough of the burden ourselves** ". She moved to stand beside me, looking out at the lake just as I did. I sighed. " **Of course, that's not it** ", I stated firmly. Even though her words had some truth in them. " **It's just** ", I paused. Trying to find the correct way to say it. " **It's just a lot to take in. A lot to wrap my head around. One day I'm training to become Guard captain in Ostwick and the next I'm prisoner in a foreign land with some type of magic mark on my hand that Andraste seemingly bestowed upon me. I was just trying to be a good guardsman. A good...A good son. I've failed in that. He's gone** ". 

I state the last bit firmly. Keeping the emotion out of my voice so that it couldn't betray me. I think Cassandra heard it anyway. " **You are no longer a prisoner, Lord Trevelyan. And we don't know anything for certain regarding your father** ". I gave her a humorless chuckle. " **Are you certain of that, Lady Seeker? Would I not be a wanted man if I left the Inquisition tonight? With this...thing on my hand** ". I glared at the mark as it glowed. " **As for my father,** " I looked up. Finally meeting her eyes. " **It's been nine days and there have been no survivors. I hold no delusions regarding my father's fate** ". She said nothing in reply. Instead she lent me her quiet companionship for several more minutes as my emotions heated and then cooled. " **Come** " , I stated eventually. Turning and walking back toward the glow of our campfire. " **I think I need to apologize to the others before we rest for the evening** ".

****


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audrik Trevelyan believed that he was making the smarter decision by choosing to ally with the Templars. By the end of it, he's not entirely sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT: This chapter follows the quest line Champions of Just very closely and can ruin the quest for someone who has yet to complete siding with the Templars but plans to in the future. 
> 
> Read at your own discretion ;)

I had nightmares for years afterwards about my time spent in Therinfal Redoubt. It wasn't just the red lyrium disease that had taken over the Templars either. Though that was a nightmare all on its own. No. There was so much more to it. Except very few people would ever believe such claims. The things demons can do far exceeds the realm of belief.  
By then I had recruited a mage by the name of Vivienne. Court Enchanter for Orlais. Or rather, she had manipulated her way in to my inner circle. I minded her less than Solas when out journeying. Her views on mages and the circles slightly more tolerable. Thus she became my go to mage and healer. Accompanying me, the lady Seeker and Master Tethras to the very ends of both Fereldan and Orlais. Though Therinfal left the biggest impression on any of us, I'd say.

After what seemed like endless arguments and debates among the advisors on which path we'd take, It was finally agreed upon that the Templars would be the better option to approach in regards to helping close the breach for good. Of course, after the scene in Val Royeaux, the only way we had a chance was if we allied with the nobility in Orlais first. The Templars had shown their arses and had publicly turned their backs on the chantry. We needed reach if we were to convince Lord Seeker Lucius Corin that we were only there to help with the breach.

Luckily, my court etiquette was still impressive enough and with the help of both madam Vivienne and Lady Montilyet we were able to align with ten of the noble houses of Orlais rather easily. Having them on our side to demand Templar assistance would make it difficult for our cries to go unheard. Such is my luck, however, that things didn't quite go exactly as planned.  
  


 

The nobles acted their role out with great ease. Inquiring to any knight that would listen as to why they refused to help when they were trained and sworn to fight against magic. While it did tongue tie a few of the templars, they mostly seemed to think the nobles were a joke though. And it was obvious that they counted me amoung them. Of course, I'd be a liar if I denied the comfort being around the privileged brought to me. One can not completely abandon the way in which they were raised. Noblemen like the Lord Esmeral Abernache were the reason I kept my socializing to a minimum back home, however.

  
Knight-Templar Ser Delrin Barris greeted us gracefully and showed great respect. Even when Abernache belittled him for his modest family. Barris explained to us that the Lord Seeker had completely taken hold of the Templar Order and refused any help to outside forces. Though just short of our arrival, he changed his mind and was eager to meet me. Barris seemed a bit uncomfortable with everything happening and mentioned that the Lord Seeker actually seemed infatuated with me alone. He was eager, but he would also have me complete a Templar rite first.

In hindsight completing the ritual was probably my first mistake, but I was trying to make a good impression. We were attempting to ally, after all. I let my faith guide me when choosing which flags to move where. Raising the people's banner above the others and having Andraste come second. Surprisingly, a good number of the Order seemed to agree with my choices. After all, they were meant to protect the people through Andraste's guidance the same as I was. Though I hope I played my own part better than they in the end.

  
After the rite and while Abernache continued to flap his snobbish jaws, Ser Barris led us into a building just off the courtyard where we expected to finally meet this Lord Seeker and get to the bottom of the Templars' abnormal behaviours. Instead, however, a very hostile Knight Captain Denam greeted us. What happened next is now all a blur, but I can remember the man looking very ill and very agitated. Especially when Barris demanded explanations. Lord Abernache, the poor fool, was the first to die that day. Followed by several of the knight-Templars on our side. For the most part, the Knight Captain was rather incoherent. Though when he commanded the red ones to attack, there was no hesitation. Throughout the fighting and over the sound of steel clashing, he cried out about an Elder one. Oh, how that name still haunts me now. He thought he was helping his Order. That this Elder One would reward him. He was wrong. They were all wrong. In the end, he survived the day. Barely. I later left his fate to the Templars he abandoned, however.

  
As we looked upon the fallen, the horror in Cassandra's voice shook me to my bones. " **They are monsters!** ", she cried as we moved on. It was hard to think of anything during the moments that followed. We we're being attacked every turn we took. Trying to reach the Lord Seeker to put an end to the madness. I found papers during our run. Some orders to separate the knights from the officers. Another was a letter from one officer to the another. In it he spoke of the promises they were given. Despite the terrible headaches, the author of the note seemed quite satisfied with the results when taking what was known as Red Lyrium. Something Varric knew quite a bit about. I'd learned so previously when first attempting to close the breach. I never seen the dwarf look so sick and so guilty as he did when we looked upon the Red Templars.

  
We eventually made it to what looked like training grounds where we were ambushed by archers. Glowing red. It was hard to deny the strength those men and women gained by taking the red lyrium, but it was also all too obvious that neither their minds nor bodies were under their own control any longer. In fact, as the horde of infected Templars kept coming, the lyrium could be seen growing out of them. Their human features distorted so badly it would be hard to ever say who they had once been before. It was then that I began hearing who I assumed was the Lord Seeker, though Cassandra and the others claimed they heard nothing. " **Show me what you are!** ", the voice demanded and in my confusion, I stopped mid fight to look around for the man I'd previously seen in Val Royeaux punching chantry sisters. He was no where and I took an arrow in my shoulder for the mistake. The first of many wounds that day.

" **Herald!"** , Cassandra cried as she cut down another monster. I waved her off, breaking the arrow's shaft off from the head so that I, too, could continue to fight without bleeding out. " **How can you not hear that?!** ", I asked as the voice continued to resonate through the walls in Therinfal. " **I would know you!** ", it demanded as we exited yet another building. Letting Barris guide us to where the officers were thought to be.

  
We ran into knights fighting back against the red ones as we made our way, though it seemed that nearly all of the Order had been corrupted already. " **How could this have happened?** " , I demanded. Ser Barris looked lost. " **The red lyrium** ", he stated simply. " **It's not uncommon for us to receive new strands of lyrium. It's also not uncommon that the officers test the new lyrium first** ". He shook his head. " **I knew something was wrong with that stuff though** ". Varric, snorted at that. " **That's an understatment** " he said. " **But where has it all come from?** ". To that, no one had an immediate answer.

  
My company and I had fought our way to the building in which the officers were thought to be. There were bodies everywhere. Some deformed. Others not. Though none of them were survivors. My stomach had wanted to empty there. It was the first time I had ever seen so much fresh death first hand. I'd been in the fade and then in a prison for most of the Conclave disaster and there'd never been a serial killing in Ostwick as far as I could remember. I pushed on, however. Seeing a man standing in front of the doors we needed.

He was speaking and it sounded like Seeker Corin, but something was off. Something was different. He didn't turn as we approached and I was finally convinced that the words were in my own head, somehow. The others still oblivious.

" **the Herald of Andraste. It's time we became better aquainted**."

" **Come. Show me what kind of man you really are.** "

We climbed the stairs, approaching the Lord Seeker cautiously. " **What do you mean?** ", I asked but received no answer. Only curious glances from my companions. The events that occurred next are the ones that are most hard to explain. Or to believe, but it was real. Too real.

 

I had moved in front of the others. Ready to confront the man seemingly responsible for the red infestation amoung the Templars. His back was turned, but he moved to face me as I neared. Grabbing my armour and throwing me against a door. " **At last!** ", he shouted triumphantly. My back never hit that door.

Instead, I can only describe it as a portal. A rift of its own perhaps. I think now that it was some variation of the fade that I entered. Alone. It looked like I was still in a part of Therinfal Redoubt. Only it was dark. Lit up by green glows similar to the one coming from hand. And my hand _hurt_. Not as badly as when I first attempted to close the breach, but it felt like every nerve in my hand around the mark burned. It was uncomfortable, to say the least.

  
I did the only thing I could do and started to move forward cautiously. It didn't take long for the demon to show itself. In the form of my advisors. Cullen and Josephine stood before me unmoving. Green glowing eyes looking without seeing. I wouldn't have counted myself amoung their closest friends back then, but still the image of them like that was unnerving. Especially when the demon stepped forward as Leliana. Holding a knife to Cullen's throat. " **Is this form useful?** ", it asked in Leliana's voice. " **Will it help me to know you?** ". I'm not sure what it was expecting but I was going to try my damnedest to make it feel like it was failing. " **You don't fool me, demon**!".

It chuckled, continuing on in it's ramblings. Slitting Cullen and then Josephine's throats. I cannot recall the exchange word from word, but the demon was kind enough to reveal its plan to me. An envy demon, it seemed. It was eager to become me. To rule the Inquistion and tear apart the world with it's influence. Though, I didn't really feel I had that much influence over anything. I remained stubborn and silent as it spoke. Trying not to let the images it warped into existence bother me. Eventually I could move again and I did. Room after room, Envy conjured up images depicting scenes in which it, using my face, would tear apart the world. How it would corrupt the Inquisition from the inside out. Charging with a demon army on it's side. I believe the one of Cassandra tore me up the most.

  
It had been deep enough inside my head to know that I had blossoming feelings for the Seeker. Having her stand before me, weapon drawn. Voice cracking as she labels me a heretic. A murderer. Part of me wanted to scream at her. To make her see that it wasn't me. Just my face. To have her lose faith in me was...heartbreaking. I had to remind myself that it wasn't real. Not yet. Not ever, if I could somehow find a way out of that place. I wouldn't let this Elder One kill me. I wouldn't have this Envy _be_ me.

" **He was mortal once, but no longer** ", it had said of it's master as it cackled. Demons and their riddles. I pressed forward. Hoping to find a way out, but honestly having no idea what I was supposed to do. I came to an area soon where a green liquid spilled down from pillars. Steam drifted up where it hit pavement like a warning. Once I tried to run through it and my whole body felt like it had caught fire. Continuing to burn where my skin had gotten wet. But the pillars moved and when they moved, I was able to cross through. Attempting to get to the other side where a door stood waiting. Only the final pillars were unmoving. I was trapped. I could feel myself losing. could feel myself disappearing.

' _Look to your right_ '. It was more of a feeling than a thought, but I obliged. There was a room I hadn't noticed at first. I entered, hope returning. It was empty, however, and I was starting to back out when a new voice interrupted me. I turned to see that I was no longer alone in the room.

  
A young man, maybe ten years younger than I stood there. He was pale and blond with a ridiculous hat hiding most of his face, but it felt like perhaps I knew him. Still, I knew better than to trust anything I was seeing. " **I've already seen through your lies, demon!** ", I stated angrily. Already at my wit's end. " **I am not a lie. I am Cole** ", he replied calmly. The conversation that followed was confusing, but by the end, I believed him. He just wanted to help. It seemed that time was frozen and what was happening to me was technically all in my head. Funny as I had spent the better part of an hour trying to keep Envy out of my head. Cole confirmed that I was heading in the right direction, however.

That by moving on in this place, I was stretching his hold on me. If I kept moving, I could break his hold completely. Envy, of course, heard our exchange and became angry. Though that only helped solidify my trust in Cole's words. " **But the fire water. I'm trapped** ", I stated. Cole gave a smile and walked out of the room and to the fire. I followed. He explained that I could change it. Just by thinking it. Of course, it made sense. Since it was all happening in my mind, but at that time, I was still in doubt. Dubiously, I imagined the liquid as water falling from the basins. I imagined it until it happened.

  
I kept going then. Puzzle after puzzle. Barely realizing that Cole was no longer by my side, but speaking above me the way the envy demon was doing. They bickered, Envy becoming more angry as Cole helped me. It was working. " **Keep going up** ". So I did. At one point I reached a courtyard. Demons pawing at me, following me like I was their master. Envy showing me what I would be after it took over. I ignored the demons. Ignored Envy and kept moving. Tavern stairs leading up. makeshift stairs leading up. The higher I climbed, the more frustrated Envy became. Until finally I reached the stairs where I had seen the Lord Seeker standing. He was still there, though none of my companions were. I ran up the stairs, grabbing him. pushing until....

 

The demon broke free of my grasp- no longer the form of a man but that of a hideous monster- as the light of day blinded me briefly. I stumbled, steadied by the welcoming strong hand of Cassandra Pentaghast. " **Lord Tre-** ", she began and I cut her off. Trying to manage a smile and catch my breath all at once. " **Audrik. I told you to call me Audrik** ". She miraculously didn't pull back and let me fall to the ground at that moment. " **Are you alright, my dear?** ", came Vivienne 's smooth voice. I shook my head. " **Not quite yet** ". " **Was that- The Lord Seeker?** " , Cassandra asked and I told them all how Envy had been impersonating Lord Seeker Lucius in order to corrupt the Templars and now wanted me. I can't quite explain the look on Ser Barris' face. Shame is close. He blamed himself and the Order, but I told him that we had to fight. That he could help correct their mistakes.

So, we hatched a plan. Envy, being the cowardly demon that it was had set a barrier up between us in the main hall and the place where it had fled. The Templars could break the barrier but it required more lyrium than they had on hand. Barris told me where we could find more and asked that I send any surviving lieutenants back to him as he and the other Templars prepared to break the barrier.

  
My companions and I obliged. Every time we opened a door, we were attacked by red templars. Here where the corruption has begun, they resembled monsters more than they resembled men. We were able to locate the door to the Lord Seeker's lyrium stash fairly quickly, but it was locked in such a way that no amount of lock picking would break it.

Another door revealed disturbing news. It was the last time I saw Cole at Therinfal. He came out of the shadows to explain that the Elder One was as obsessed with empress Celene as much as he was me. He wanted her dead and planned to see it through. Cole didn't allow me to ask questions though and was gone before the 'why' was out of my mouth.

Varric and the others entered the room behind me. Stopping short in surprise. " **Did you see him that time?** ", I asked and they shook their heads. Concern flashing in their eyes. I gave a frustrated grunt and moved about the room. Searching for anything that could help us. " **The fighting..** " , Cass began. I nodded. " **Just give me a moment...aha!** ", I held up the key triumphantly before handing it off to Varric. " **Get the stash and get it to Barris. We'll be right behind you** ". He nodded his understanding and took off.

Vivienne was studying the cryptic messages written on the walls. " **He wishes to destroy the Orlesian empire, but why?** ", she asked curiously though I moved out of the room. " **I'm not sure, but we'll worry about that later** ".

  
We spent the next twenty minutes looking for surviving officers to assist in breaking the barrior. We only found three. " **Herald**!" , they would call when they seen me. Fighting for their lives with renewed strength. It was in those moments that I realized the importance of my position. Why Envy wanted to be me. Whether or not I was sent by Andraste didn't matter in the end. What mattered was that the people had a real symbol of hope to get them through the darkness we were all facing. I had to be that hope. Their strength. So, I fought.

When the Templars began their ritual to remove the barrier, the red ones poored through. Bodies were piling up and blood literally pooled in the floor. When you're fighting like that, you sort of leave your head. You don't think. You act. It's not until it's over that the reality of what you've done sinks in. The bodies of the red Templars still haunt my dreams. I can only imagine how the rest of the Order felt striking them down. They had been brothers and sisters once before.

By the time Envy and the Elder One has their way with them, The Templar Order was a shell of its former self. The handful of men left were broken. Scarred, but they managed. After the barrier was broken, Envy was next. The fight was bloody and grueling, but in the end we came out alive and the Templar Order allied with the Inquisition.

 ◇◇◇◇

We camped as far away from Therinfal as our damaged bodies would allow us to hike afterwards. Potions were distributed and Vivienne healed what she could. What she couldn't was lathered with medicinal balm and wrapped tightly. I sat, clad only in my linen shorts as Cassandra dug the arrow head out of my shoulder. It was winter, but my heavy armour was bloodied and hot and I needed to breathe.

" **I believe I've got it** ", she said after several seconds of digging in my wound. I hissed as she pulled it out. the sides of the arrow, cutting the wound larger. She tossed it to the side and used my battered undershirt to stop the bleeding. Applying as much pressure as her tired body could muster. " **Thank you** ", I stated simply and she nodded. Removing the rags and applying the ointment and bandages as soon as she determined the bleeding had slowed. " **When the Envy demon grabbed you as the Lord Seeker, there was only a moment between that and when it revealed its true form. And yet you knew of its plans and looked...you looked like you had aged over night** ". It was a statement. Not a question, but I knew Cassandra wanted some form of answers that night. She wanted to understand. Perhaps she even wanted to help. But I wasn't ready to talk just then. Instead I nodded and bid her goodnight. Retiring to my tent.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Haven to The Storm Coast and back again.

Nearly a week after Therinfal, the commander asked if I'd like to spar. Things had been slow as we waited for all of the Templars to arrive. Myself and a small team had gone back and forth between Haven and the Hinterlands to make sure things were in order, but the war had been pacified in those lands and I was restless. Still on edge from the earlier events. I think Cullen had sensed that. Had related to it. I accepted his offer and we sparred from sunrise until damn near sunset. I always took pride in my ability to use a sword and shield. It has come so naturally to me as a child that I barely needed the instructor my father had assigned to my older sister and I. But Cullen Rutherford was ten times my better. I'm sure if you asked the man, he'd have denied such claims, but it was the truth. Every time he'd nick me or get a hit in with one the wooden swords, he'd instruct me in how to better myself. My stance. My form. I soaked in the information, fighting harder as we went on. It was during the last round that I finally came out victorious. Though I believe Cullen was just tired and ready to call it a night. He chuckled when I knocked him on his arse. Praising me as I offered him a hand up. "Well done, Trevelyan!". I beamed. It was the first bit of normalcy I can remember feeling since the Conclave. 

We removed our sparring gear right there in the field and plopped down in exhaustion. Both sweating and sore from the workout. We emptied our leather canteens of water fairly quickly, barely noting that at some point salted meat had been left for us. Cullen was the first to pick a piece and munch as we sat in companionable silence. I was laying on my back, sprawled out on the frost tipped grass in nothing more than my jerkin and breeches. Willing my heart rate back to normal. "I finished reading your report from Therinfal Redoubt recently", Cullen spoke in between mouthfuls. Leliana had already attempted to get me to speak of the matter upon our arrival back at Haven. After she had first read the report. "Surely you didn't think a bit of exercise would make me more likely to talk, Commander? You can tell Sister Leliana that I'm still not interested in talking about my feelings". I kept my tone light. Not wanting to ruin what had been a decent time. 

I reached over and grabbed a slice of the meat for myself as Cullen stammered a bit. Confirming that he had been asked to speak to me without saying as much. "Of..Of course not. I truly felt this would be a good thing. For both of us, but...", he trailed off a bit, tossing his half eaten ram's meat back onto the plate. "It doesn't always end well. Demons in your head. I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're...well". I can see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. Like it was a question more so than a statement. I swallowed my chewed food and nodded. "Perhaps 'well' isn't the right term, but I survived". It was a simple statement and one that didn't quite cover all of what I was feeling at that time, but it was enough to satisfy us both. We finished our dinner with idle chitchat. Avoiding talking about work or demons or the rifts. Just a couple mates after a sparring match. Something that would become a routine for the two of us in the days to come.

 

____________

 

The next day, we recieved reports about missing Wardens in the Storm Coast and I decided to take my team and head out. I'd nearly forgotten about the mercenary leader some lad had mentioned after I'd come back from acquiring the templars. There had been so much on my mind then, but I was reminded by the new report and decided to kill two birds with one stone. We barely rested from Haven to the Coast. Riding our horses harder than we normally would have and yet it still took us twelve days to reach. Leliana had been worrying that the Wardens were somehow involved with the Breach; Disappearing around the time of the conclave and we believed if we could just find them, they might have been able to help. Scout Lace Harding, a lovely surface dwarf I'd met a few times by then whilst traveling to new locations, greeted us at the first established campsite. Only to bring more bad news. Not only were the Wardens missing but our own soldiers had now also disappeared. I thanked her for the report and gathered my companions up to tell them the news. 

While the area was beautiful, it was also very wet. It's sometimes hard to admit, but I was rather spoiled as a child and Ostwick weather wasn't too terrible. The Storm Coast was not my favorite place to travel. My mood, along with my companions', was awful as we trekked across slippery hills and rocks. A mood that only soured more when we found our missing soldiers. "Gone", I said softly after checking the pulse of the last soldier. It was pointless. They'd obviously been dead for at least a few days, but I wanted to hope. Cassandra placed a hand briefly on my shoulder and assured me their families would be notified and compensated right away. It didn't matter. They'd still be mourning the loss of someone they loved. All to help us. I stood and began searching the half broken down cottage for clues. Harding had told us that they'd been tracking a group of bandits but the terrain had made it difficult. Finding a letter, I picked it up to read only to toss it to the side in disgust. "They call themselves the Blades of Hessarian", I stated. Cassandra shook her head. "A bold name for mere bandits". She picked up a map and handed it to me. It detailed their camp location and I stuck it in my pocket, moving to the door. "This right here says there's a way we can challenge the leader", Varric stated. Picking another piece of parchment up. "We'd need to craft some type of crest, but they could be useful allies if we-". I cut him off. Staring at the dead bodies surrounding us. "No. The Blades of Hessarian fall. Today". With that I walked out. Beginning the short journey to their stronghold. 

They had fortified what looked like a small farming area and had guards posted in the front. "Perhaps we should think about the alli-", I ignored the rest of what Vivienne had to say and began marching toward the camp. Their archers were on me instantly, but my shield easily blocked their shots as they backed into the fort. As I followed suit, my companions caught up. Cassandra at my side and Varric and Vivienne just behind. I could feel a cooling sensation surround me which meant Viv had thrown up a barrier. Cassandra and I rushed forward together knocking the first of several bandits on their arses. Another tried to flank me from the side but was taken down instantly by one of Varric's bolts to the eye. It was a bloody fight and our armour was stained red at the end of it all, but we prevailed. Only pausing long enough to catch our breath before making our way back to Scout Harding to tell her the news. 

Harding took it like any soldier. The pain in her eyes only a flicker before she straightened her back and nodded her head. "they paid", I assured her before heading over to wrap up some of my bleeding wounds in an unoccupied tent. That seemed to relax her shoulders a bit, yet she stood where she was for another half a minute more before busying herself with a letter to- presumably- Leliana. I could almost see the guilt crashing into her like waves there on the Coast. "Herald?". It was Vivienne at the opening of my tent. "One of the other scouts were so kind to inform us that the mercenary captain you were to meet is camping not far from our own tents. Just down the hill on the beach". There was a slightly annoyed tone to her voice, but I was coming to realize that that was typical for the court enchanter. I nodded my understanding without looking up from cleaning a wound on my arm. A slice from a Hessarian's dagger. I could see her backing away in my peripheral vision, but she paused and asked as if in afterthought, "Would you care for some assistance". I tossed a blood soaked cloth onto the floor. "No", and after a pause, "Thank you, madam". The manners seemed to satisfy her enough and she was gone. 

______________

"That was foolish. Unsafe. Reckless", Cassandra huffed as we made our way down to the beach. Apparently Vivienne had not been as satisfied with my treatment of her in my tent as I had thought and she'd gotten Cassandra worked up over my actions regarding the Blades of Hessarian. I could sense the mage's smirk and I wanted nothing more than to shoot my death glare toward her. "We need numbers more than anything right now. Vivienne is correct. An alliance would have been most beneficial! Surely you know that!". I spun on my heel, having walked ahead of them a bit. Facing her, I threw my hands up in exasperation. "Numbers? An alliance!? They KILLED our men! Under holy pretense! I would think that YOU, Cassandra Pentaghast, would find that most fitting for punishment! Do not let some foolish mage get your blood hot just because she's bored!". My companions all froze in shock. Staring at me with their mouth a gap. Before anything else could be said, however, arrows had begun to fly. We had reached the beach. I wouldn't realize it until later, but Vivienne had been standing in a position that would have allowed for her to see the incoming arrows. Yet no barrier had been cast. 

I was hit several times, but my armour prevented most of the arrows from doing any real damage. Upon turning to face our newest threat, I found that the Mercenary company was dealing with it's own set of bandits. The arrows had been strays. Not truly meant to hit us. Neither side seemed to realize we were even there quite yet. I moved as quietly as my heavy armour would allow and the closer we got, we realized that the bandits were actually Venatori. Having fought enough of them ourselves by then to recognize the mages and their men at arms. We joined in, but really there wasn't much need of us as it was over within seconds. I was impressed and convinced of them just as fast. "You wanted an alliance, seeker? I think we just found one", I stated before heading over to greet the Qunari who was asking for a status report. "The Iron Bull, I presume?", I held my hand out and after a moment, he gave it a firm shake. "Yeah. The horns usually give it away". We sat down for a drink which, honestly, if I hadn't been sold watching his men fight, I was then. I was reintroduced to his lieutenant, Cremisius Aclassi and given the run down of his operation. "We're expensive, but worth it", he assured me. I waved a hand. "Money isn't an issue". He snorted. "Nothing your lady ambassador- what's her name? erm.. Josephine- can't handle. That's for sure". 

He chatted his men and himself up for a moment before throwing the bomb in there. "Ever hear of The Ben-Hassrath?", he asked and was answered with a shrug of my shoulders,"A bit, but what I know is likely a lot of misinformation. They're a Qunari spy organization?". Bull snorted again and confirmed that it was mostly true and that HE was an agent of said organization. Under orders to find out what the Inquisition was up to. How we were handling the breach. I looked at him questioningly. "You're a spy and you think I should just let you in?". The Iron Bull had the nerve to smirk as he replied. "Listen. The breach affects everyone. Not just you guys. The Qunari want to know how you're handling it. If they should launch an invasion just to keep the whole damn world from ending. You let me send just enough about what you're doing to keep them satisfied and this connection can help you too. Nothing will be said to compromise the Inquisition". I set my bottle down in between my feet. Wondering just how daft Cassandra was going to think I was after we were done here. "How could this benefit us?", I asked after a moment and Bull explained that while he'd be sending reports, he'd also be getting them. Enemy reports and the like. I let out a sigh. "Fine, but you run each report through Leliana before sending them out. Don't make me regret this". We shook hands once again in agreement and The Chargers were instructed to pack it up. 

The remaining days in The Storm Coast were miserable for many reasons. The rain didn't let up. Not once and most of our time was spent looking for away up steep hills that led to more disappointment. The Wardens were long gone, my companions barely spoke to me and we nearly got stomped to death by a giant that had been angered first by a dragon. It was just lucky for us that she had decided to fly off instead of attacking too. I was glad once the rifts were handled and we were finally able to pack up and head home. "For what it is worth, I believe The Chargers were a good idea. No matter how...unconventional", Cassandra said to me as we mounted our horses. I nodded and said nothing in reply, but it certainly felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders by her words. Varric smirked and I resisted the urge to use a rude gesture toward the dwarf.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follows the In Your Heart Shall Burn quest line with a little added flare.

The Templars had all reached Haven by the time we arrived back from the Storm coast. The lack of able bodies was actually disheartening. Not because we needed so many to help close the breach, but for the simple fact that they had been reduced to such a small faction. Templars were sworn to protect against maleficarum and demons. Many Andrastians looked up to them. Put their trust in them and yet it only took one demon to tear the whole order apart. Cullen was solemn as he reported their numbers. There was no sparring that evening. There was, however, a very tense evening meal as we all discussed closing the breach that next morning. I won't lie and claim that I was confident in my abilities. At that point I wasn't even sure the extent of those abilities. Mostly I was afraid. I didnt fear for myself. Not truly, but I was afraid of what failing to close the breach would mean. The fate of the world rested heavily on my shoulders and I wanted nothing more than to drink myself into a stupor. 

I would have too. Had it not been for Lady Cassandra. I had sneaked off as soon as I felt it was appropriate to and had taken a bottle of Ferelden whisky with me. Haven was a beautiful village. Quiet. Almost peaceful. It was hard to believe the stories about it's old occupants. I made my way out to the frozen lake, bottle neck gripped in hand. "what, exactly, draws you to the water, Herald?", a voice asked from behind. I walked out onto a beat up old dock and plopped down, taking a swig from the bottle. Cassandra followed, sitting beside me. I shrugged. Surprisingly, unsurprised that she had followed. We were like magnets, even then. Drawn to one another. "Technically this is ice. Not water", I smirked. Trying not to think too hard about how endearing she looked when she rolled her eyes at me. "Helps me think. Focuses my mind when there's too much going on". At that, she nodded. As if she understood exactly what I meant. Even if I wasn't entirely certain myself. 

"May I?" , Cass asked. Reaching for the bottle. Assuming she was there to drink with me, I passed it over. Only to watch it sail into the sky and land a few hundred paces away to shatter across the frozen lake. I looked to the Lady Seeker, mouth a gape. Damned if she didn't roll those eyes again. "Do you honestly believe trying to close the breach with a massive headache tomorrow will be wise?", she asked. I pretended to think on it briefly. "I suppose you're right. I don't believe Haven's chantry has raw eel in it's kitchen". It was Cassandra's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Do I even want to know what raw eel has to do with it?". "You eat it, of course. It soaks up the liquor from your stomach. My father swore by it as a remedy after a night of merriment". It was difficult to keep a straight face after her disgusted look. "Surely not!", she exclaimed and I nodded. "Oh, yes. I'd explain which area of the body is best to wash with salt and vinegar if raw eel is unavailable, but I feel it'd be rather inappropriate to discuss with a lady". With that, Cassandra let out an "ugh!", threw her hands up and stood. "I am done with you this evening". She went to walk away and I chuckled, grabbing her hand to pull her back down. "Stay. I'll behave myself". 

We sat on the broken dock long after the sun had gone. Talking about little things and avoiding the big, but eventually we had to call it a night. I walked the Seeker to her chambers and then headed to my own where a sleepless rest awaited me. I was groggy in the morning and my nerves nearly had me shaking. Breakfast was out of the question yet I still had to wait for the others to awaken and prepare for the day ahead. So, I chatted with a couple of my companions before deciding to spar alone. The air was cold and crisp, but I was down to just my breeches within the hour. Sweat soaking up my sparring gear and tunic as I twirled my sword around the stuffed target. I had half hoped that Cassandra would be the one to fetch me when I was needed, but it was Solas that eventually called out to me and I certainly had no desire to show off my muscle and skills to the mage. He and I were very professional during our time together. We didn't see eye to eye on magic and I found it hard to understand his exact studies pertaining to the fade, but there was respect there eventually. On both sides, I'd like to imagine. 

We nodded a greeting to one another when I noticed him standing there politely. I returned to my bed chambers long enough to scrub my face and apply my actual armour before heading to the breach with the elven mage. Cassandra was already there. Down on the front line like the warrior she was. Our advisors were off to the side, watching and waiting. Templars lined up on the cliff. Ready to assist. I took a deep breath to shake my nerves and Solas gave my shoulder a pat before turning to address the Templars. "you can do this, Herald", I heard Cassandra whisper to me and I nodded. She too, turned to speak with the Templars and I blocked them all out. When I was near the breach, my hand felt like it was burning. Like acid was pouring from the rip into my hand. I focused on that connection; Closed my eyes, steadied my breathing, raised my hand and willed the breach to close completely. Its hard to describe in words what happened next. The tear in my hand connected with the one in the sky like it had done on several occasions by then with smaller rifts, but as hard as I pulled, it wasn't working. Not until the Templars assisted. When their swords went down, I could actually feel the breach weaken and when it did, I pushed harder. And then, just like that, it closed. Though when it closed, the force of all that magic hit me like a boulder and I went flying down. Dust cleared, however, and I could hear the cheers arising. Hands helped me up eventually and then wrapped around me in a quick hug. Cassandra, breaking character. "You did it", she said as she pulled away all too soon. "Was there ever any doubt?", I smirked and she actually smiled a bit as she rolled her eyes that time. 

Closing the breach had drained me and after a rather large lunch, I slept until nightfall. When I arose, Haven was long into a celebration. I reassembled my armour before leaving my chambers and headed out into the night air. There was a place in Haven where you could stand and simply look out at the going ons of the village below. I stood there watching as the people celebrated. Music and laughter and dancing. A sight I didn't expect to see during my time with the Inquisition. And certainly one I still couldn't find myself joining in on. The breach looked closed , but the mark on my hand remained. "Solas has confirmed. The Heavens are calm". Once again, Cassandra Pentaghast came to my side the moment I needed her. Something that would eventually become a reoccuring theme in the days to come. I nodded and tried to smile as we both looked out at the celebration. "There's reports of lingering rifts and there's still many unanswered questions, but for now this is a victory". Apparently I was quickly becoming a hero by word of mouth, but I didn't feel we could rest just yet. The Lady Seeker was agreeing with me when the warning bells began. "Forces approaching. To arms!", we heard the Commander call out. There was instant panic as the villagers, some almost too drunk to walk, began running to saftey. Those who could fight, followed Cullen. "We must get to the gate!", Cassandra called as she unsheathed her sword and began to run. I was right behind her, meeting Varric and Vivienne as we ran toward the gate.

"Cullen?", Cassandra was inquiring as I reached them. He explained of the guard reporting the massive force marching toward Haven and when Josie asked under what banner, he replied, "none". Something cold washed over me at that moment, but there was no time to waste. There was a knock at the gate and a clear Tevinter accent rang out. "If someone could open this door, I'd appreciate it". I dont know what made me lunge forward to open it even as Cullen went to protest, but it was lucky that I did. On the other side, many enemies lay defeated surrounding an exhausted mage. "I've come to warn you", he insisted and Cullen and I hesitantly sheathed our swords. "Fashionably late, I'm afraid". He said as he stumbled. Steadied by the commander, he explained that the mages were now under the control of this Elder One and his own commander, Calpernia. My blood turned to ice at the mention of this Elder One again and I looked to Rutherford. "Give me a plan. Anything". Thinking quickly, he insisted we control the battle by any means necessary. Eyes landing on the trebuchets. I understood immediately. As he rallied out soldiers, I went to find my companions, so that we could help level the playing the field, so to speak. 

I explained to them the little I knew, but there was hardly a time for discussion. For the next twenty or so minutes we were locked in battle with mages. Glowing red as the Templars had in Theirin Fall. To this day, I wonder if I did that. If by choosing the Templars to help the Inquisition, did I seal the fate of the mages? Turning them all into monsters. That was never my intention. As much as magic scared me, I would have never wished a Red Lyrium fate on anyone. When we cleared the first trebuchet, we moved on to the next. Barely waiting long enough to watch our soldier release the first. She urged us to go. Claiming the other should have already fired, but hadn't. We fought our way to it. I could feel that I was injured, but I was running on pure adrenaline and couldn't tell where or how badly. "Trevelyan, take a bloody potion!", Varric called out to me as I stumbled and he put a bolt right into the forehead of a mage ready to take me out. I complied before I rushed forward, cutting down every enemy in my path. The soldier that was meant to fire the trebuchet was no where to be seen and we were surrounded by red mages and enemy footsoldiers. The fighting lasted another good fifteen minutes before I managed to get to the contraption and fire it myself.Though it felt like hours.

Once that trebuchet was fired, we were able to see a good size of the enemy force be buried in the snow from the mountains along with the others from before. We were granted a moment of hope before the dragon made her appearance. It was bigger than any I had ever seen before and it was as black as coal. I can remember wondering briefly if we were staring at the next archdemon before it shot it's fire and I was commanding everyone to get to the gate. Cullen, too,was ushering people in. "To the chantry! It's the only thing that might hold against...that thing!" Everything was suddenly on fire and the smith, Harrit, was attempting to get into his sleeping corridors before the flames took it. With an internal groan, I stopped long enough to bust the debris covering his door up and moved on. Inside the gate, things were worse. People were running and screaming. Buildings were falling to fire. Our enemy was striking our soldiers down left and right. We fought our way through to the chantry. Saving those we could but losing more than I'd like to admit. Haven is my biggest failure. My biggest regret. Too many good people died that day. 

Chancellor Roderick of all people was ushering survivors into the chantry doors . We were the last, but we made it. Mostly unharmed. Roderick was injured, the mage from earlier by his side. Calling him a brave man for standing against the Venatori. That was first time I'd heard them called that but it certainly wouldn't be the last. Cullen ran to give me a report. "Herald! Our position is not good. That Dragon stole whatever time you might have bought us". I sighed, frustrated. "Tell me something I don't know, Commander. Preferably something good". For once, Cullen Rutherford looked lost. "There have been no demands. Just advance after advance after advance". To this, the Tevinter mage spoke up once more. "There was no bargaining in Redcliffe either. As far as I can tell, they marched all this way for your Herald". Perplexed, I sighed. Running my hand through my long hair. The band holding it up had broken during our battle and my head was surrounded in black waves that I wasn't quite accustomed to. "Then let him have me", I growled. 

"Admirable, but I don't believe that'd stop him now. If only trebuchets were still an option", the mage replied. Something lit up in Cullen's eyes at that and we all turned to look at him. "They are. If we turn the last of them to the mountains above us". I shook my head instantly. Knowing that that action would bury us. "This is not survivable now. What matters now is how spitefully we end this", the commander insisted. "Well, I didn't come all this way to have a bunch of rocks dropped on my head", The Tevinter replied and Roderick, who I had forgotten was even there, finally spoke up with his own plan. There was a hidden passage that those in the chantry would take during their summer pilgrimage. It could get our people to safety before we used the trebuchet against our enemies. Cullen confirmed that it could work." But what of your escape? ", I looked away. "I am coming too, then". It was Cassandra, as always. I went to protest but before I could, Varric and Solas bother chimed in. Offering their help. I couldn't turn them down, so I simply nodded.

As before, we had to fight our way to the trebuchet. The Venatori were coming in thick waves this time. Energized but what they must have felt like a certain victory for them on the horizon. Bodies littered Haven's grounds and I tried my best not to look at faces. There were certainly more dead on our side by that point. I was dizzy with an overwhelming need to grieve but I turned it to anger then. Striking the red ones down left and right. I could feel Solas constantly throwing up barriers around us though it wasn't enough to keep us uninjured by the time we reached the final trebuchet. Cassandra was attempting to hide a limp as she moved forward, striking down the mages in our way. Varric's cheek bled freely from what must have been a passing arrow and I knew for certain that my nose was broken. A force mage had hit me right in the face at one point. 

Once the area was clear of our enemy, I moved to the trebuchet to turn it's wheel. Getting it ready for one final blow. The Venatori came in waves then. We'd clear them, I'd start on the wheel again and then more would come. Eventually Varric yelled for me to keep going. That they'd keep them off me and I did until a Red Fiona appeared. The guilt was bigger than me at that moment and I stopped and stared. Remembering the mage in Val Royeaux, asking for a meeting. I'd ignored her and had gone to the Templars instead. This was the result. "I'm sorry" , I whispered and she laughed maniacally before hitting me with a spell to knock me against the wheel. Everything went black briefly, but I was forced to the present by Varric shouting at me once again. "Turn the blasted wheel, Ric!". I was still dazed but I could see my companions gaining an upper hand against Fiona and her mages, so I stood and did what was asked. I almost had it too. Before the dragon showed up once more. "Run!", I shouted and my companions obeyed. Probably thinking I was right behind them. I was, anyways. Before the dragon's fire blasted me to the ground and I stumbled. Cut off by a figure emerging from the flames and the dragon landing on the other side of me.

"Pretender! You toy with forces beyond your kin no more!" , Stepping into visible light, the creature before me was no man. Nor that of any demon I had ever seen before. Half darkspawn, half man. Several feet taller than I. What looked like red lyrium grew out of it's face and shoulder as well. This was the Elder One. "What...are you?", I asked. It kept calling me a pretender. I was pretending to be what he was. The elder one. Corypheus, he says and I am to kneel. "I will not yield to you, monster!" . He produced an orb from seemingly no where and continued on. "I am here for the anchor. The process of removing it begins now." Lifting his other hand, he triggered something within my mark that I couldn't stop. It glowed and burned. Dragging me to Corypheus. He said it was my fault . That I'd interrupted a ritual. Should have died, but became a thief instead. " it was meant to open the heavens and yet you use it to undo my work! " 

"you want the mark? take it! I never asked for any of this!". He lifted me by the arm that held the anchor. I could feel his magic trying to pull it from me. Like he was ripping a part of my body off. I could only half hear him as he explained what he meant to do and what I did hear barely made any sense at the time. "I once breached the fade for another", he claimed. " I found only chaos and corruption". My hand felt like it was melting off of me but the pulling had stopped as he continued to talk. "Beg that I succeed. For I have seen the throne of the gods and it was empty". He threw me once again into the trebuchet claiming that I ruined the anchor. That it was permanent. That he would begin again and give this world the God it deserved, but that I must die. I shook the cloudiness from my head and happened to spot a sword laying near by. Just as a magic flare shot up behind the demon with his dragon. Signaling the Inquisition's safety. I forced myself to my feet, holding the sword out in a defensive stance. "You've talked long enough, fool!" , I yelled. Breaking the chain on the trebuchet so that the boulder released. I heard it hit the mountain and I wasted no time in running for safety. The elder one being flown off by his pet. The landslide was moving fast and I jumped down without really seeing where I was going. Only to crash into some broken up wood and dropped even further down into darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Post- Haven, pre-Skyhold part of our tale.

The events that followed my first encounter with the supposed Elder One are those of vague memories and difficult explanations. As the avalanche advanced, I took cover. Only to fall into what looked to be an abandoned mine shaft under Haven. I was bruised and battered. Limping from a twisted ankle. The only thing I could think to do was to move forward. Wondering if these were the same tunnels the rest of the Inquisition had taken. If so, I hoped to emerge close to where they did. Otherwise, I knew the cold would kill me. Any efforts to warm my body remained fruitless with damaged armour and several open wounds. 

So I followed the tunnel pathway, shivering and limping. Also, weaponless. Something that didn't even register in my concussed head until the demons advanced. Startling me out of my fogginess. I reached for my greatsword on my back; Only to grasp air. I'd lost it trying to survive the dragon. " _Andraste's arse_ " , I cursed. Finding no weapon as my eyes searched about. Only just able to dodge an ice ball. I did the only thing I could think to do and used the one weapon left at my disposal. The mark on my hand. 

It was still burning from whatever that monster had done to it, but it also felt more.... _alive_. I held it up against the demons. Willing my might into it and.....created my own rift. Or so it seemed. The first time I did it, the energy surge sent me flying back against the hard stone walls, but I could see the effect. It was like it was pulling the demons back in whereas the other rifts had allowed them to come through. Once they were gone, the rift closed on its own. I stood cautiously. My hand felt lighter somehow. Almost normal but I'd hit my head once more and my vision was blurred. The urgency I felt to escape the underground intensified and I hurried forward. If only I would have thought about what I'd be walking into once I did, in fact, get out of the mining shaft.

The cold hit like a ton of stone as I jumped down and out of the tunnel. The wind blew forcibly, stirring up the falling snow all around me. Making it difficult to see even a step ahead. It was all I could do to put my head down and start off in the general direction in which I had seen the flare earlier. It took hours, I think. And the snow only got deeper the further I walked. Slowing my progress. There were signs though. Evidence that others had been where I was recently. Some blood in the snow, abandoned fire pits. I pushed on despite every part of my body screaming at me in protest to stop moving. I don't know exactly how long it had taken but eventually one of the fire pits I found was still warm. Embers. I knew I was close. I tried to run, but the snow had nearly reached my knees and I felt as though every inch of my limbs were frozen. " _C'mon, Ric_ ", I growled. Urging my broken body forward. Refusing to die when I was obviously so close to rescue.

My unspoken prayers were answered shortly after I found the last fire. " _Over there!_ ", someone called. There was shouting, but only one voice stood out above the rest. " _Thank The Maker_!", Cassandra's relief washed over me and I fell to me knees. Giving into the darkness that had been so desperately trying to claim me. 

My rest was not an easy one. Despite my exhaustion, I did not sleep for long. Everytime I thought I could, something jerked me awake. Usually it was nothing more than thoughts in my head. The last time, however, It was the arguing. They'd been going at it for hours . Their voices rising until I could no longer stand it. I sat up. ignoring both the protest from my head and from Mother Giselle. Who had taken up post at my bedside. " _They have that luxury thanks to you_ " , she tried to reassure me. " _The enemy could not follow and with time to doubt, we turn to blame_ ". I rubbed my temples, trying to drown out the surrounding noises. When I asked where this Corypheus was now thought to be, Mother Giselle could only say that we were lost even to ourselves and he might think me dead. " _I cannot claim to know the mind of that creature. Only his affect on us_ ". 

I shifted my weight and swung my legs over the cot in which I had been laying on. I was dressed in warm clothing. Brief patches of memory suggest the commander and Solas had helped me dress after the elf had healed my more serious wounds. " _I need to help them plan our next move_ ", I insisted. Though mother Giselle just shook her head. She made a point when saying that another voice added to the argument wouldn't help. I felt more discouraged in that moment than I ever had. Even after I'd trekked through all that snow. So, when the good Mother began talking of my extraordinary actions and the inquisition's beliefs, I walked away. " _We need more than faith. Corypheus is a real physical threat_ " .

I turned my back on her. Something my actual mother would have bled my behind for doing to a member of the chantry, but Mother Giselle surprised me. She _sang_. And soon all of those left of the Inquisition were singing. A common chantry hymn. And they were singing _to_ me. Some even dropping to their knees. I looked on in amazement. Unsure of what I should have been doing. When it was over, Giselle joined me briefly at my side. " _An army needs more than enemy_ " . Of course, she was right. She walked away. The others now going about their business though spirits certainly seemed a little higher. 

" _A word?_ ", Solas asked, stepping up. I nodded and followed him to a more private spot in the camp. Watching as he lit a torch with the wave of his hand. " _The orb Corypheus carries. The power he used against you. It is Elvhen_ ". He went on to explain that the orb was the tool used to open the breach and expressed his concern regarding the general population's reactions to finding out the orbs origins. " _Alright. How do you know this?_ ", I asked. Of course the answer came from the fade. Many of Solas' answers supposedly came from the fade. Including where we were going next.

" _In your mind you see her burning in the fires. Screaming out for you to help_ ".

We'd been making our way to Solas' mystery stronghold. It was a long journey and it was taking us weeks. Hundreds of people traveled and we were all tired and hungry. Morale was low. Cole, the strange young man, was trying his best to help where he could. I was not expecting him to think that I- of all people- would need his kind of help though. I didn't even trust the lad. I just owed him, but he was talking to me and when I realized what he was talking about, I paused in my steps. Turning to him. " _What?_ ", I asked. 

Our immediate company stopped as well. Curious, I imagine. Among them were Cassandra and the Commander. I wasn't going to make a scene. " _Her beautiful, sad smile. Haunting your dreams. You feel helpless, scared, un-_ ", he continued even though my shock turned to horror and I asked him to stop. " _Unsure of what meaning your life now holds. You thought you were supposed to protect her. But you failed. You see her dying every night_ ". He'd just gone too far. " _I said stop!_ " , I shouted. Grabbing the front of his leathers. Cullen stepped forward. Ready to intervene if necessary, but I could see Solas putting a hand on his shoulder. Maybe he thought I needed Cole's help as well. Cole, himself, didn't look worried or scared that I'd hurt him. Instead he looked at me with those piercing eyes. Silently begging me to understand. To listen. 

" _Your dreams are wrong, Audrik_ ". My grip loosened on his coat as he explained. " _She was not helpless. She was help _ing_. Julia died a hero. Praying that you'd know that. That you would be proud of her. That knowing that would help you move past her death. She wants you to be happy. The mages needed her and she helped_ ". As soon as I let him go completely, he disappeared into the shadows. Though I stood there still, staring at the spot he had vacated. Grief and guilt washing over me in waves. Of course, I'd underestimated her. Of course she would die a hero. Trying to do what was right in the end. Even if it meant going against her superior. How could I have ever suspected otherwise.

" _Julia Mortaine?_ " , a voice from behind me inquired. A quick look over my shoulder confirmed that it was Rutherford. I nodded. " _She called you Auddy. I didn't put those pieces together_ ", he replied softly.Almost an apology. Like he would have been the one to tell me had he known I needed it. I nearly smiled at the nickname. She had been the only person I ever allowed to call me that. Instead I just swallowed. Trying to gain some composure. I must have looked a fool. Tears streaming down my face in the middle of a snow covered mountain. For a woman several years dead. " _Whatever Cole is. He was right about what happened. She was a hero that night_ ". While Cullen's words comforted my soul, my shoulders shook in sobs. 

Others moved on. Including Cullen and Solas. Thinking to give me my space. It was Cassandra that eventually walked over to me. Wrapping her arms around my shoulders, she guided me forward. There were no explanations or words between us just then. Those would come later. Instead I let her pray as we hiked. Different as our views on the chantry may have been, our shared faith brought me comfort during our darkest hours. 

Not long after, Skyhold came into view. It stood tall and magnificent before us. Waiting


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition settles into Skyhold.

Skyhold castle was more ruins than fortress when we first arrived, but the remaining walls were solid. The foundation was sturdy and, most importantly, the building could be made defensible from all sides. It was more magnificent than one could truly describe. Our numbers weren't very large at the time, but with a hundred or so able bodies, it would only take a few weeks to clear out the rubble and begin repairs before the ambassador could hire crews to finish.

The kitchens were first whilst a makeshift infirmary was set up on the lower grounds. Tents and bedrolls were set up wherever one could find a spot, but the courtyard above bussled with the most life. Soldiers and refugees alike cooked, chatted, encouraged one another to keep their faith. While on the grounds below them their brethren lay fighting to survive.

The journey to Skyhold had not been kind to The Inquisition. The cold has taken many lives and even more fingers or toes. In fact, I still have no idea how my broken body survived the trip. We fought for our lives against a darkspawn and his dragon, myself taking a lot of the burden, and then had no choice but to trek through the snow covered mountains to something we hoped could protect us. The Maker certainly watched over our group as a whole. The number of the deceased could have been a lot higher than it was. 

Cassandra had attempted to get me to rest in the infirmary with the other wounded in the beginning as I hadn't completely recovered from my meeting with Corypheus, but I refused. My legs and arms surpringly still worked and I wasn't going to waste them on sleep. For the first few days, I worked along side everyone else. Attempting to put every thought and worry aside with physical labor. We cleared pathes, found old rooms. It was amazing how so much furniture had been abandoned and survived in the castle. Most was repairable. The work was hard and distracting. Just what I needed. 

Of course, distractions weren't meant to last and before I knew it, I had a to do list longer than the length my arm. The advisors, on the other hand, hadn't slowed their own work progress down and were putting together puzzle pieces of a plan. With one large piece missing.

I was at the stables we'd discovered upon arrival, speaking to our horsemaster about his family back home when the elven servant I'd first met at Haven approached. She still looked nervous, but didn't drop anything. I smiled at her as our eyes met. " **Glad to see you well** ", I said. I hadn't seen her since Haven and had wondered if she'd made it. She raised her eyebrows in surprise. Nodding. " **Yes, ser. Thank you. I've word, ser. Seeker Pentaghast asks for your presence in the courtyard, ser. Soon as you're able** ". The elf delivered her message breathlessly, obviously still flustered around me. " **Duty calls** ", I sighed and gave a friendly nod of goodbye to Master Dennet.

As I made my way to the courtyard, I noticed several people coming through the front gates of the bridge entrance. I stopped, perplexed, and watched as they chatted amongst themselves, carrying supplies. Cassandra met me there. A hint of a smile upon her face. " **They arrive daily from every settlement across Thedas. Skyhold has become a pilgrimage** ", she answered my unvoiced question as she began to walk. I followed, listening.

" **If the world has heard of us, then so would have this elder one. We have walls and now the numbers but this war is far bigger than we anticipated. At least now we know what allowed you to stand against Corypheus. What drew him to you** ". She paused on the steps leading up to the courtyard and I shook my head. Staring at the ugly cut on my left hand that glowed green and refused to heal. " **The anchor. Though it's useless to him now. He just wants me dead** ". Cassandra pat my shoulder briefly, knowing I still struggled with the thought of being Andraste's chosen, before continuing up the stairs.

" **The anchor has power, yes, but it is not what led us here. Your decisions led us to heal the sky. Your determination brought us out of Haven. You are the creature's rival because of what _you_ did. And we know it. All of us** ". The seeker led me further up the stairs. There were several people standing in the courtyard. A crowd gathering. I paused monetarily, but Cass kept moving. Further still to the stairs that led to Skyhold's doors. " **What are you going on about?** ", I asked the back of her head. Following up.

She paused on the landing and moved to the side so that Leliana came into full view. Standing there holding out a ceremonial sword. " **The Inquisition requires a leader. The one who has already been leading it** ". Cassandra paused briefly. Mostly for dramatics before adding, " **you** ". I blinked. Looking from her to Leliana to the sword and back again. " **Me?** ", I asked dubiously. " **Surely it should be someone else more qualified. _You_ , for example**". Cassandra bowed her head in thanks, but it was clear that they were passing the torch. To me.

I looked out toward the courtyard. The gathered crowd was watching. Waiting. I hesitantly took the sword. " **I admit, handing this power to anyone is terrifying, but I believe this is the only way. They will follow you, but how you lead us? That is entirely up to you** ". Feelings rushed through me as I held that sword. Dread. Pride. Fear. I knew that the Inquistion needed my anchor, but I held no expectations that they would want _me_. And to lead them no less. " **I will lead us to a victory against Corypheus. He will pay for Haven. Whatever it takes** ". 

The next day, Madam Vivienne approached me in the castle. I had been looking for Varric as I'd been told that he and his mystery friend had arrived back, but was greeted by the enchanter in the middle of the broken main hall instead." ** _Inquisitor_ , Darling! You must come with me. I'm afraid it's a matter of great importance **". I tried to protest, but before I knew it, she was taking me by the arm and leading me to a small landing that she had claimed as her own.

There waiting behind the closed door was a very noble looking man in an Orlesian mask. He was standing stiff next to a chair and small table with shears sitting out. I cocked my head at him, turning to Vivienne questioningly. She smiled and pulled my long dark hair out of it's tie. " **If you're going to be an Inquisitor, my dear, it's time you _look_ like an Inquisitor** ". My eyes widened and I began to shake my head in protest as she pulled me toward the chair and barber. " **It took a long time to get my hair this long! And it's silky** ". In the end, she ignored my protests and I met Hawke with a fresh cut and shave. 

Varric was waiting up on the battlements with the Champion of Kirkwall by his side. I can't say that I wasn't apprehensive about meeting her. So many stories circulated around with the name 'Mariann Hawke' and not all of them painted her as a hero. Having lost a lover in Kirkwall, I honestly wasn't sure what I'd feel. I don't think the dwarf quite knew what to expect from me either. He stood protectively in front of her whilst trying to appear as though he was doing nothing more than introductions.

I felt anger, of course, but I also felt pity. The woman before me didn't look like the Champion described in Varric's novel, but rather a shadow of that woman. Her frame was thin. As if she'd lost a lot of weight fast and dark circles decorated her faded blue eyes. Her red hair had once been described as winsome, but had since been chopped sloppily and left neglected in a ponytail. There was no denying Hawke's beauty and I would have been a fool to have underestimated her in combat, but her time in Kirkwall had obviously done a number on her.

" **Champion** ", I greeted with a nod of my head. She stood taller and I could almost see the hero there. " **Inquisitor** ", a smirk tugged at the corner of her thin lips. Varric waited a second longer, deciding finally that I'd behave before he headed over to a makeshift table littered with beer bottles and cards. " **I hear you know a thing or two about this Corypheus character** ", I stated as I leaned against the battlements. She nodded and followed my lead. Watching the Inquisition work below us as we spoke.

Hawke and I spent the next hour talking about Corypheus and the wardens. She told me of her journey into the deeproads where she learned of her father's involvement in the imprisonment of this Darkspawn magister. Varric chimed in every now and again, as he drank in the corner.

The wardens had obviously gone through a lot of trouble to make sure this creature never escaped and Hawke just..let him out. Of course, she and Varric had both been convinced of his death. From their story, I'd have thought the same. Though the fact that he had the power to control the minds of Warden's worried me more than anything. Especially since The Wardens seemed to have all vanished. All except Blackwall, of course. And, " **I've a friend in the Wardens. Alistair. He may be able to help** ".

By the time the sun set, we had a tentative plan to find Warden Alistair in a village called Crestwood in two days time. Varric was drunk and both Hawke and I were close to it. I was still uncertain of the woman but her witty personality was hard to dislike. " **I've a feeling that if I stay any later, the pair of you will get me into trouble** ". I stumbled as I stood and we laughed, saying our goodbyes for the night. As I was leaving, Hawke called out to me. " **I heard you lost someone important in Kirkwall, Inquisitor. I'm sorry.** ". After a moment of brief surprise, I nodded and turned back to leave. Suddenly much more sober than I'd felt only minutes before.

I was woken up early the next morning by one of sister Leliana's people rapping on the wall as I'd yet to acquire a room with a door. " **Best get up, your worship. Nightingale said you'd want to witness the brawl about to start in the loft in the new smithy** ". I groaned a response and the agent left with a chuckle. It took a minute for her words to sink in. When they did I was out of my cot and headed to the courtyard without even a shirt. Only a pair of cloth breeches to keep me from showing the whole inquisition my bits. I didn't know which recruits were going at it, but I certainly didn't want to miss a good fight.

Only as I got closer to the smith building, an unmistakable Neverran accent echoed through the courtyard. " **Seeker?** ", I called as I opened the door. There was no response other than shuffling noises from above in the loft. I could hear them arguing as I climbed the stairs only to find a measly table keeping Varric Tethras away from the wrath of Seeker Pentaghast. " **You knew where Hawke was all along!** ", she accused. " **Your damned right I did!** ", Varric countered, barely dodging a strong right hook from her. " **You conniving little shi--** ", it was then that the dwarf noticed me at the stair landing. " **Keep her away from me! She's crazy!** ", he bellowed as Cassandra rounded the table to reach him. I looked between the two before shaking my head. I certainly didn't want to be in the crossfire of Cassandra's anger.

" **We needed someone to lead the Inquistion. First, we'd searched for the Hero of Ferelden, but he had vanished. Then we looked for Hawke, but she was gone too. We thought maybe they were related, but no. It was just _you_. You kept her from us** ", Cassandra huffed. I was now standing, rather uncomfortably, between the two of them. " **The Inquisition _has_ a leader!** ", Varric pointed at me and I shrugged. Cass just shook her head and began pacing. " **Hawke would've been at the conclave. If anyone could have saved most holy-** ", she cut herself off right when I decided to intervene. "That's hardly fair, seeker. Varric couldn't have known.. ".

He insisted he was simply protecting his friend. Lighting Cassandra's spark right back up before it fully simmered out. She spun on her heels, facing me and I suddenly found myself mediating instead of cheering on a good fist fight. The seeker called the dwarf a liar and a snake. Pointing out that he still kept the location of his friend a secret even after the conclave events. Varric insisted we were all on the same side though and at that, Cassandra laughed.

" **We all know who's side your on Varric and it will never be the Inquisition's** ". Once more, I interrupted. " **Hey now. He's more than proven himself** ". Varric thanked me with a nod and she paused. Turning her back to us both. " **I should not think of what could have been. Not when we have so much at stake** ". With a sigh Cass turned to us once more. " **Go, Varric. Just...go** ". He obliged with a shake of his head. Pausing only long enough to get in the last word. " **You know what I think? If Hawke had been at the temple, she'd be dead too. You people have done enough to her** "

I stood there awkwardly. Unsure of what to do. She hadn't told me to go, but I wasn't exactly there by invitation either. Eventually Cassandra sighed and turned to face me. " **I believed him. He spun his story and I swallowed it. If I'd just told him what was at stake...explained the situation...but I didn't, did I? I am such a fool** ". As she spoke, I could hear the anger in her voice deplete. Cass crossed the room and sat down.

I truly didn't know what to say to her. I hadn't known any of them until after the conclave explosion. I certainly didn't know if Hawke was the answer they had needed. I wasn't even sure if _I_ was what they needed, but there was one thing I knew for sure. I didn't think. I just went to her. Kneeling down in front of her so that her brown eyes could meet my grey ones. Cassandra's knees were shaking in frustration and I grabbed her hands." **Have you seen our Inquisition, Cassandra? We're all fools here** ". She snorted a laugh, " **Is that meant to make me feel better?** ". I joined in with her chuckle. " **More at home maybe** ".

The seeker gave my hands a thankful squeeze and I caressed her knuckles with my thumb. " **I want you to know, I have no regrets** ". She meant to reassure me about my position as Inquisitor, I think, but I was barely listening by then. My eyes had found her mouth and I was leaning in before I could stop myself. Our lips met and Casssandra was quick return the favor. It was a short, passionate kiss that left us both breathless and smiling as we finally parted. " **Neither do I, seeker** ".


End file.
